Therapy Talk

If there's one thing we really strive for in monchichi's therapy program, it's to generalize his new skills and use them outside of his immediate community, so that we know he has mastered a particular task. 

Lately, I find that I too have begun to generalize some of  the things I have learned in his program.

On the plus side, I find myself saving some serious time by not engaging in frilly conversations.
Also, people no longer make eye contact with me and back away slowly as I approach.

Either way, I win.

Below, some examples.  Add a singsong voice to each statement for that added condecending tone; fun times for everyone.

"Not a choice."
This is a great phrase to use on the telemarketer who calls to harrass you about purchasing that extra ironclad life insurance policy for your loved one/next door neighbor/pet.  Also comes in handy when the husband asks to have the guys over for poker night.

"Good listening."
Comes in handy when you notice an eavesdropper lurking nearby as you share the latest gossip with your shallow mommy friends.  May be used liberally with your kids, husband, pastor, in-laws, sponsor.  Best used sarcastically.  Add a dramatic eye roll to really drive home your point.

"Nice waiting."
Also a gem, this one is pretty much appropriate whenever someone is being a dung-hole and trying to push their way through line or whip into your parking spot before you've even had a chance to fully back out.  Comes in handy in overcrowded waiting rooms and the DMV.

"Quiet hands."
Perfect for when your husband comes home and thinks that, after you've spent the day refereeing your insane adorable children, almost broken your right pointer finger cuticle while watching a workout dvd, eaten steamed brocolli and kale for dessert, and accidentally stepped in cat barf, that you're still somehow in the mood to rock his socks off. 
As if.


Stay tuned for more.

Until then,

"Use your words."