My Son, the Male

My son is a Male.

I know what you’re thinking.

Duh. He’s your SON.

But, um, what I mean is, he is Male
with all of the Male parts
that he has suddenly taken to um,
exploring.

*sigh*

I knew this day was coming, but I didn’t expect it to be at the freakin age of 5. I thought I had at least another few years of pure blessed ignorance and innocence.

Nope.
Superman is becoming increasingly aware that he has this awesome source of something between his legs,
And I am at a loss
And totally losing my cool

I mean, it’s not like I found a stack of Playboys under his bed.
But someday, most likely, I will.
And if my current lack of coping skills are any indication of how I will react to that situation years from now,
I am going to go into a total state of denial and probably end up comatose.

Which may not be so bad if it means avoiding that whole “deal” altogether.

I remember when the pediatrician looked at me during one of his well baby visits and said, “wow, he is definitely above-average in that department” (probably not verbatim, but, you get the picture). I laughed heartily and thought it was cute that he was so well-endowed at the age of three.

But I am crying now

I am so much more at ease discussing cramps, maxi-pads, and midol
And not so comfortable
Talking about “erections” and “private time”

So what the freaking freak do I do now?
Ignore it?
Hope he forgets he has one?

………….right…………..

Now, before you go thinking that my youngest son is some sort of sexual deviant, let me assure you that this is completely natural behavior for a boy his age. He has a mini lightsaber all his own that comes and goes with no visible explanation. But that does not mean that this mommy knows what to do (nothing) or what to say (“honey, it’s your body, but exploring it is something we do in private”) or how to react (definitely not “OMG!!!!”)

So having boys comes with certain, attachments if you will.

I volunteer to deal with the five year old version.

But the husband gets him at 14.