Can I be completely honest here for a second?
I have a love/hate relationship with blogging.
I began my blog late last Spring, after being inspired by a childhood friend. And ever since then, my motivation to write my blog has ebbed and flowed. Sometimes it feels liberating and a great way to hone my craft. Sometimes it feels like I'm standing in the quad at my old high school, the jocks and cheerleaders on one side, the goths and trouble-makers on the other, and me, somewhere in the middle, struggling to fit in and find my place.
And another thing.
I was totally unprepared for all of this pre-existing blogging greatness. These writers. I have been spoiled by family and friends telling me that I have a bit of talent in this department and though I don't claim to be the next great American Author, I always thought I had a little something-something going on in this area.
And then I began to browse the internet. And I began to read other women's blogs. Like this one, and this one, and this one too. And it hit me. That I am not that unique, that I'm not that special, and that I am about to have a total tantrum.
I am suffering from Blog Envy.
And PBI. Perceived Blog Impotence.
I am being a total brat.
Don't get me wrong. I love all of the blogs I listed above. And many, many, many more. But as I continue down the road of Social Media, and engage willingly (sort of) in twittering, tweeting, twerping, tramping, and anything else that will get a new reader to my site (hey, just trying to stay afloat in this supersaturated market) I am becoming more concerned with stat numbers than about writing a great post because it feels right.
So what the hell do I do now?
Because there is a part of me (larger than I care to admit, and I'm not talking about my waist) that sort of gives a damn about what you think of me. And though I love getting compliments from family and friends, I need to expand my readership beyond you crazy cats if I'm ever going to sell my book (aka, not give it away for free to everyone I know). It's not even finished yet, but I have my whole book touring route planned (think Giant Bus with my toothless face printed on the sides).
How do I make nice with the cheerleaders and the goths? In high school I just wore my Doc Martens with my cheer skirt and called it a day. But this blogging/internet/rat race thing is scary you guys. It's exposing my greatest passion, other than my family, and hoping that someone (other than you MOM, or you Best Husband Ever) thinks that "hey, maybe she's onto something here."
It's an ugly side of me that I didn't want to expose, but I chose the whole "Truth" theme for this blog for a reason, so blah blah blah blah blah.
I bet you didn't know I could be so petty. (Shut up Aggie).
So, if you're a veteran blogger and just happened to stumble into my little corner of the internet, please, please, show me the way, great master.
And, if you are a friend or a family member, for the love of God, share me already!
I will hash out the details of my Blog Pyramid Scheme later.