There was an error in this gadget
ShareThis

Friday, August 7, 2009

*Insert Whiny Voice*

Can I be completely honest here for a second?
I have a love/hate relationship with blogging.

I began my blog late last Spring, after being inspired by a childhood friend. And ever since then, my motivation to write my blog has ebbed and flowed. Sometimes it feels liberating and a great way to hone my craft. Sometimes it feels like I'm standing in the quad at my old high school, the jocks and cheerleaders on one side, the goths and trouble-makers on the other, and me, somewhere in the middle, struggling to fit in and find my place.

And another thing.

I was totally unprepared for all of this pre-existing blogging greatness. These writers. I have been spoiled by family and friends telling me that I have a bit of talent in this department and though I don't claim to be the next great American Author, I always thought I had a little something-something going on in this area.

And then I began to browse the internet. And I began to read other women's blogs. Like this one, and this one, and this one too. And it hit me. That I am not that unique, that I'm not that special, and that I am about to have a total tantrum.

I am suffering from Blog Envy.
And PBI. Perceived Blog Impotence.
I am being a total brat.

Don't get me wrong. I love all of the blogs I listed above. And many, many, many more. But as I continue down the road of Social Media, and engage willingly (sort of) in twittering, tweeting, twerping, tramping, and anything else that will get a new reader to my site (hey, just trying to stay afloat in this supersaturated market) I am becoming more concerned with stat numbers than about writing a great post because it feels right.

So what the hell do I do now?

Because there is a part of me (larger than I care to admit, and I'm not talking about my waist) that sort of gives a damn about what you think of me. And though I love getting compliments from family and friends, I need to expand my readership beyond you crazy cats if I'm ever going to sell my book (aka, not give it away for free to everyone I know). It's not even finished yet, but I have my whole book touring route planned (think Giant Bus with my toothless face printed on the sides).

How do I make nice with the cheerleaders and the goths? In high school I just wore my Doc Martens with my cheer skirt and called it a day. But this blogging/internet/rat race thing is scary you guys. It's exposing my greatest passion, other than my family, and hoping that someone (other than you MOM, or you Best Husband Ever) thinks that "hey, maybe she's onto something here."

I know.
It's an ugly side of me that I didn't want to expose, but I chose the whole "Truth" theme for this blog for a reason, so blah blah blah blah blah.

I bet you didn't know I could be so petty. (Shut up Aggie).

So, if you're a veteran blogger and just happened to stumble into my little corner of the internet, please, please, show me the way, great master.

And, if you are a friend or a family member, for the love of God, share me already!

I will hash out the details of my Blog Pyramid Scheme later.

6 comments:

Kat said...

I think everyone goes through this. I started blogging just as journaling, and then I started getting compliments from people who I thought were amazing writers. It made me kind of paranoid. I felt like everything I wrote had to be a masterpiece instead of just a journal entry. It started to mess with me.

It was a lot of pressure. Add to that the fact I felt I had to visit every single bloggy friend every day and it became overwhelming.

I decided to go back to basics. I am writing for me. To write about what is going on in my life and my kids' lives right now so I can look back and remember later. I will visit people when I can. But I will not let it interfer with me living life and having fun.

Not following my "follower numbers" anymore is a very freeing feeling. :)

And also, just because someone has 15,000 followers does not make them a master writer. It took me a while to figure that one out too. ;)

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Yep - I agree with Kat. I went through a phase where I felt I HAD to network the crap out of every post I wrote - had to play with every meme so as to get 30 comments - or what was the point of reading? But somehow, I drove myself to the point of craziness about it and one day though, "Why am I doing this to myself?" And since then I've begun writing for ME. My blog may not ever find me a publisher, but its not bad practice, either.

Hang in there...you can find your groove. :-)

And BTW - you won my giveaway! Email me!!!

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

(Oh, and I've found that looking at your stat numbers is like weighing yourself when you're trying to lose weight. You can do it, and feel good (or bad) about it, but don't do it every day and DON'T obsess over it!)

Abez said...

Kat and Colleen are 100% right- you go through this phase where you start to wonder how many hits you get and decide that a "good" post is the one that gets a lot of comments. I went through it too, I've been blogging for six years, and when I finally realized it was killing my blog, I uninstalled the counter, replied only to comments when they required an answer, and made myself blog silly, honest things instead of 'pieces.'

It's about going back to basics- what's the original purpose of your blog? Mine is to have something for my kids and myself to read so I can look back and laugh and smile and cry.

Plus, I'm lazy about email and if someone asks me how life is, I just refer them to my blog.

T.J. said...

THANK YOU so much for writing this post!! It felt as if I was reading my own thoughts (only put together with alot more intelligence and savvy! :-)

The previous comments were so great, and inspiring (thanks ladies!)

I am personally going through the same roller coaster ride as you, as far as this blogging thing.

I try to keep from 'worrying' about who 'might' be reading it and what I should refrain from writing because of it.

Of course the whole 'following' thing drives me insane as well.

I think the bottom line is..like the ladies all wrote and agreed upon..write for yourself.

And know, that I will always be looking forward to your next post!
(AND BOOK!)

P.S. Thanks for the HUGE compliment! {{blush}}

Marinka said...

I wish I had advice. But I think everyone goes through blog envy, which for me, is closely followed by Blog Tantrum.

It's weird how sometimes the posts that I think are my best hardly get any attention. You'd think that Obama would do something about that, but no.