Homemade Polish Tomato Soup. No, Really. It's A Recipe.

1 can of Campbell's Tomato Soup.

Ha! Just Kidding! You wish it were that easy, you.......weird, non-Polish person!!!

Okay.

1 Polish Grandma, cane included. If you don't have one of those, I will happily let you rent mine for an exorbitant fee.
An array of veggies, such as carrots, onions, Italian squash, celery, lots of tomatoes with the skin steamed off, and 1 clove of fresh garlic, chopped.

Saute the aforementioned veggies in 1-2 tablespoons of butter. You cannot substitute with Olive

Oil or margarine. Rented Polish Grandma will spit on you if you do.

Feel free to put your Rented Polish Grandma to work by having her watch you over your shoulder and make critical and demeaning remarks about your cooking, the fact that you aren't Polish, and that your house is a cesspool. I mean, you may as well. You're paying big bucks for her.

1-2 large heaping tablespoons of each, flour and sour cream
1 tsp sugar
3 bullion cubes. Prepare stock as directed. Bring to a slow boil.

Place the flour, can of tomato sauce, sauteed veggies and sour cream in a blender.

Push the "blend" button until it looks disgusting, like this:

Add this mixture to your slow boiling stock and mix thoroughly. Add sugar and a pinch or two of salt.

Viola!

Oh! I almost forgot. You need some noodles. So boil those and toss them in.

Finished product. Except there's no caption in real life. That's just fancy photo editing on my part. I know. Multi-talented I am.

Finally, have Polish-American son on hand (mine's not for hire, something about Child Labor Laws, or some crap like that) to taste whether or not you failed in your attempt to recreate a beloved dish that has been enjoyed by Polish people for centuries. Really. It's like the only thing my people have enjoyed since you know, the whole WWII thing, and Communism, and the fact that our country has been wedged between bigger, stronger, less polite neighbors throughout its' torrid existence. So the least you could do is respect the damn recipe and try and get it right for pete's sake.

*Clearing Throat*

Don't worry.
You probably did fail.
But you can always come over here and have some of mine.
Unless of course you're Russian or German.
In which case you don't need an invitation, because you'll probably just storm in here and take it without asking.
Na Zdrowie.