Can I Borrow A Dollar?

Recently, after going over some banking statements, my husband made a startling discovery: I've been spending all of our money.

No one was more surprised than me.  "Really?" I said.

He gave me one of those looks that suggested I sleep with one eye open that night. 

So ever since he realized that I've been steadily (and rather happily) spending our dollars and cents and spirling us towards financial ruin, he's gone completely mad and, citing some mumbo jumbo about the future, retirement, college funds, blah blah blah, begun implementing a new budget.

This means that within a few short days one of the following will inevitably happen:

1.  I will be filing for divorce.
2.  I will be featured on 48 Hours:  "The Man Who Tried To Stop His Wife From Shopping At Target And His Gruesome Untimely Death.  Coincidence?  Fat Chance."
3. I will turn my kindergarten class into a sweatshop (call me Nike!).  Assembly lines are a great way to develop those important fine motor skills.

If you have any other ideas on how to survive this very scary economic crisis that I am suddenly facing, please get in touch with me asap. 

Do you think I qualify for unemployment?

Also, would it be too forward if I started a giftcard drive (canned goods give me heartburn).

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some tantrums to throw.

And a sh!#load of receipts to shred.