There was an error in this gadget
ShareThis

Monday, June 7, 2010

Yoo-Hoo! Oprah! I’m Over Here!

So, have you ever had the feeling that you were predestined to be something…..great?  That there was a preordained path for you and all you had to do was go in search of it and it would lead you to your life’s calling? No?  Always knew you were going to be the guy that pumps out the porta potties on construction sites did ya?
Well I have. 
I’ve always felt that I was predestined to be filthy rich.  And famous.
Now, I’m not sure exactly when, but at some point between birth and the present, I misplaced my directions to Rich and Famous and ended up on a winding and mostly uphill path towards Middle-class and Ordinary.  This simply won’t do.  I am meant to be someone of influence.  Someone of power.  Someone who can afford to carelessly throw away underwear after her son has had a potty accident instead of trying to salvage them because they cost $5.99 per three pack and that sure adds up; someone who drives a limited edition something or other and not a car that puts me through this.
And then today, I opened up my computer when I got home from work and saw THIS.  My ticket out.  Or in.  Whatever.  In any case, it’s an opportunity to get back on that path towards an overindulgent lifestyle that is only annoying and socially frowned upon by those who can’t afford to participate in it.  In other words, I’m going to use $100 dollar bills as fly swatters.
But I need your help.
I need an angle.
I figure, what with my myriad of knowledge on important subject matters such as: OCD, Panic, Autism, Immigration, and Weight Control Issues (just to name a few), I may never need an actual guest.  I could just interview myself.  Everyday.  Which would be…..magical.
So help a soon-to-be celebrity out.  Even if you’ve never commented before, now’s your chance to come out of your creepy little hiding spot and give back to a good cause.  Me. 
Because I need your ideas, your support, and most importantly your compliments.  I’m not gonna lie.  Flattery will most likely secure you a spot in the inevitable entourage that will form once Oprah and I are likethis.
Open auditions in Orange County are being held at the Laguna Niguel Kohl’s on Saturday, June 19th.  I know you’ll be rooting for me. I mean, unless you wanna give it a shot.
But. 
We both know that would be a colossal waste of time, don’t we?
So, let’s be realistic and focus on me again.
Because Destiny is calling.
And I’m sure as hell listening.

8 comments:

Marcy of The Glamorous Life said...

I am confused. The "This" link took me to another (albiet fabulous) post. What are you trying out for again?

Anonymous said...

Using the second "THIS" link will take you to the right place :)
Good luck Jo!!

JJ said...

You have the personality, the wit and the sarcastic humor to pull off this job Jo! It doesn't hurt that you are a mommy of 2 equally fabulous boys who have also taught YOU a thing or two! or three!

Your "angle" is YOU!!

Melinda said...

YOU can do this NO DOUBT!!!

moni said...

Umm.. I have been rooting for you since the day we met in 1997! Hurry up already! xoxox

Wendy said...

I have only been a reader for a few months, and I know that I would tune in or DVR you...depending on what time of day it was. I would have to agree with JJ...your writing, your personality (through the written word) sucked me in and made me want to know more. Your experiences and the way you share them are priceless and enlightening. You have given me the gift of seeing what I do from the *other side* of what I do. There are many people out there that could stand to use this insight. Thank you for YOU...and good luck!! :)

Anonymous said...

Good luck Jo!!! You've totally got everything it takes! I'll be voting for you!

Sarah G.

Asia said...

ok so when you get your TV show you will have to help aggie and me to get on the amazing race!

or i'll be glad to come onto your show and you can interview me! Remember: I have a Golden Aura! :)