That feeling where you want to wrap chicken wire around the person's throat so that they never again utter those dreaded and very untrue words.
Ever felt that way?
Because I do. Lately, a little more than I care to admit.
Which means that obviously the people who are saying that have never met my mother, have never met me, or have no respect for their physical well being.
Because I refuse to believe it's true.
No offense mom, but certain things, you just don't want to inherit from the previous generation.
Like the zebra print pants. You know. The ones you wore when you picked me up from high school and I pretended I had no idea who you were and why you kept honking your horn and screaming "ASIA" (pronounced Ashya, not Asia, like the continent) until I would run across the street, and jump into the Diesel Volvo, crouching down out of eyesight and yelling "go, go, go," like you were the getaway driver in a bank robbery gone bad.
Yep. Don't want the pants.
The way you have to pose with an inanimate object for photos. Almost. Every. Single. Time.
Oh. You don't recall that you do that? The great thing about pictures though, is that they are pretty handy evidence.
Exhibit "C" - A stick and/or a knife next to pig on a spit
And, let's not forget your irrational dislike of noisy pots and pans in the kitchen. (????)
Also, your fear of catching pneumonia from your wet hair having any kind of contact with sudden shifts in the air such as fans, outdoor breezes, air conditioning, or an overexaggerated exhale.
I have however, inherited your gift of gab and meeting new people. In fact, just yesterday I struck up a conversation with a homeowner in a beautiful neighborhood we were visiting and ended up spending 1 1/2 hours in her driveway talking about everything from autism, to raising teenage boys to living the American Dream. One of the best conversations I've had in a long time.
That mom, is ALL you.
Why, just this past Father's Day, when we thought we had lost you at the park and were preparing to make a quick getaway, (KIDDING) there you were, on a distant bench, spending time with a family from the Ukraine you just happened to "meet" that afternoon.
And really. Things could be a lot worse. I haven't even begun to mention.........well, for the sake of my personal safety, nevermind. Anyway. If I have been gifted with half of the magnetism that draws people to you, then my life will always be full of strangers who quickly become good and loyal friends. I couldn't ask for a better hand-me-down.
But for the record.
I am soooooo happy that I can take a normal picture, without feeling the need to have a prop.