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Monday, March 2, 2009

What Teaching Kindergarten Has Taught Me

Little people have big opinions

Unsupervised glitter is………it’s too ugly to describe. Just believe me when I say that it will make you weep with sorrow and leave you in craft table clean-up hell.

Children hear what their parents talk about. Then they repeat it. At school. To anyone who will listen. I’m just saying……

It takes a five year old merely seconds to permanently lose a glue stick lid ; they may as well sell them that way.

Kindergarten is not an introduction to college prep. My job is to make sure your child falls in love with learning. Let the upper grade teachers be the bad guys. I prefer playdoh to standardized testing. If they don’t know the alphabet by now, choosing the right college is probably not going to be an issue. (KIDDING).

If you send your child to school with any of the following, you better bring a class set:
Balloons
Candy
Bouncing rubber balls
Rubber bands
Paper hats
Glittery pens or pencils
Lint
In other words, anything that is not already part of the classroom.
Otherwise I welcome you to sub for the day.

They show no mercy for the weak. And substitutes.

Five year olds have incredible memories. Nothing gets by them. They’re like miniature PDA’s only they remind you of all of the things you DON’T want to do, like reading David Gets In Trouble for the tenth time.

Kindergarteners do not care what your name is. You must be prepared to answer to “Teacher, Mommy, Grandma, and even Great-Aunt Florence twice removed.”

They have the attention span of five-year olds: NONE.

They have two volumes:
Loud and “Holy Crap!”

Bribery works. Really Well.

Teachers use bribes. A Lot. If your teacher says she doesn’t, she is LYING.

If you want to learn how to forgive and forget, spend ten minutes on the Kindergarten playground. They can feud and be best friends all in the same sentence. It’s bizarre, but maybe they’re onto something.

They are small but mighty and they remind me each day that if Kindergarteners ruled the world, we’d wear capes to work, eat donuts for dinner, and glitter would replace fuel as the hot commodity.

Not a bad place to live if you ask me.

2 comments:

Jennifer Johnson said...

I am always busting a gut when I read your posts. TOO FUNNY!

Oh to be 5 again......
Notepads of paper and color pencils were our hot commodities....

heather Krstich said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kindergarten may be full of glitter and ABC's, but just remember, First grade is HARDCORE!