Just Another Appointment

It is morning
And
We are just the three of us
I watch daddy guide you across the parking lot
And I wish we were heading to
Disneyland
Or
The zoo
I ask the man
In the striped tie
For a miracle
Because his eyes are kind
And he seems to know so much
He offers me a gentle smile
But makes no promises
Because he can’t
Because no one can
And so we discuss things
Like how much you weighed
When you were born
and how old you were when we knew something was wrong
And as I answer questions that I have answered many times before
I go back to the day
Your tiny body disconnected from mine
And I looked at your dark hair and hoped a mistake was not made
While the nurses measured and cleaned and I said thank you over and over and over again
Would I have let you leave the safety of my womb
If someone had whispered the future into my ear?
I am trying to stay strong
But my hands shake when I look too far ahead
Or regret the days that are gone now
So I glance your way
And see your golden curls
And your generous smile
And I know we would go
into the fires of hell
into the center of combat
all the way to eternity
and back
for
YOU