Brush Front

We’ve had a heck of a time getting Andrew to brush his teeth lately.

And given the fact that his two front teeth have a combined surface area equivalent to a regulation football field, most things within a three mile radius find their way onto his chompers and we’re forced to brush. Often.

A few months ago he began to freak the hell out every time we mentioned it was time to go brush his teeth.  We tried new toothpaste, a colorful array of toothbrushes, and clever little songs to help him stay focused, motivated, and off the ceiling.

Nothing seemed to help and it became a three man job:  One to lure him into the hallway, one to nab him once he came out, and all three to heave him into the bathroom, pry open his mouth, and scrub the bejeezus out of those humongous teeth.

Then one day, I came upon his schedule, a new one that his lovely therapist made about the same time “let’s brush our teeth” turned a lovely afternoon into a spastic bloodbath. And on this new schedule were new PECS cards that help Andrew with his vocabulary.  And one of the new PECS cards was for brushing teeth. 

And this is what it looked like:

  

What. The. Hell. Is. That?

Good God, no wonder he’s petrified of brushing his teeth. 

First of all, is that supposed to resemble a head?!  Where are the eyes?!  And the nose?!  And why are all the teeth one size?!

This is supposed to help him understand the world better?!

After seeing this, I’m too scared to brush my teeth tonight.

 

Hmm.

I wonder if they make one for housework?

Or paying the bills?

Or eating leftovers?

 

Yep.  Some pictures are worth a thousand words.

And this one starts with WTF.

 

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I’m All for Recycling, But…………

The other day I found myself at my local health store, aka the “Everything Here is Disgustingly Overpriced But You’re Desperate Enough To Pay It So We’re Gonna Charge It” store, looking for some specific supplements for Andrew.  A nice young man wearing Birkenstocks and reeking of cologne that had a striking resemblance to my friend Susie’s Volkswagen beetle our junior year of high school approached me and offered to help

“Hi there. Can I help you?”

“Yes.  I’m looking for some (insert name of super important overpriced supplement here) for my son, who suffers from autism, epilepsy, and cystic fibrosis.  We usually use this brand, but is there another one you know of that’s better?”

“Ya…..I don’t really recommend you use that supplement.”

“Really?  Why not?  It’s supposed to be great for continued brain development and a scientifically proven source of vital nourishment, especially for children who are diagnosed with severe cognitive delays.”

“Right………but it’s super bad for the environment.”

“What?”

“You know.  It’s not eco-friendly.”

“You don’t say?”

“Oh ya.  It really hurts the world’s fungi distribution on the southeastern portion of the continent of Asia, thereby affecting the natural habitat of the Purple People Eater, and at this rate, it may never recover.”

“Oh.  Wow.  I. Did. Not. Know. That.  Um, so, instead of buying, the um, stuff that may really help my son, you know, because it’s not eco-friendly, what would you recommend I buy instead?”

“Why, this lovely, earth-friendly bottle of cabbage root of course!”

“And, this will help my son?”

“Oh.  Well, I don’t know about that, but it’ll definitely keep that Purple People Eater safe and sound.”

So, of course I did what any rational human being would do under these circumstances.
 
I grabbed that cabbage root

and shoved it up his……

(okay, maybe not, but I really, really, wanted to) 

Technorati Tags: Jo Ashline,autism in orange county,autism,supplements,eco-friendly,humor,writer,orange county blog,blogger,orange county